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Time Used

I’ve had a ton of time off. Restating that: It feels like I’ve had a ton of time off. When I look at the calendar, I actually only took 7 days of vacation. Add weekends. Add Holidays. Stir in the slower pace of operations during this weird year end period, I’m going back to: I’ve had a ton of time off! But, today is it. Back to work. Resume Corporate Servitude. More than that. Pregnant Corporate Servitude. Literally pregnant (me). Figuratively pregnant, awaiting the pause (at least) at the end of that term.

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I certainly need the time, as I need the income to further my preparations. All those goals need funding. I’m trying to remember that. Constantly. Incessantly. Because I’m not looking forward to it. Appreciating your Corporate Overlords is even more challenging when there’s barely enough energy to go around. When that required time of butt sitting is much more exhausting than it should be. I always feel like there are better things I could be doing – more productive ‘things’. Wheeling, dealing, empire building. Which actually looks much like email writing, chicken tending, hanging clothes to dry, cupboard cleaning, and the annual pouring over of seed catalogs.

The truth is, there isn’t. Anything better I could be doing, I mean. I hate it on many levels. But right now, I need to shut my mouth, bide my time and collect my damn paychecks. All the while, quietly growing what will hopefully turn out to be a healthy, happy, human. I need to appreciate the two income trap. Embrace it in a way that will hopefully free us from it. At least, in it’s current iteration.

I am taking a lot of this process on faith. I don’t know the exact ending. Even a big part of the strategy is a little fuzzy. I’d like one of us to not work, but I don’t actually know that’s possible. Childcare? Are we going to need it? Where’s it going to come from? Will The Husband’s employment hold out? Or will it abandon us at the most inopportune time? (Again.) Under normal circumstances this not knowing would be debilitating. It would prevent me from making big decisions, like oh say, getting pregnant.

Here, I am trying to strike a balance. To move forward with the changing of my life. The changing I’ve lamented. I’ve begged for. I’ve long desired since my Corporate America return. Without being rash. If this is a leap (and it is), its got a heck of a lead up. There will still undoubtably be unforeseen circumstances (Am I actually going enjoy staying home with my kid? Or is it going to drive me nuts?). But, this is conscious. Both eyes open. Arms stretched out in front of me. Feeling my way. And its not just about me. This decision, and subsequent decisions, affects my peoples (even those still percolating), and my pack.

Back I go. Saying thank you to the powers that be, who gave me this time. Yes, blessings unto even you Corporate America, with your Paid Time Off. I’ll even try to appreciate the time I have left. Use it to the best of my abilities. My plotting, planning abilities. Appreciating Overlords. Maybe that only seems like an oxymoron.

How does time off make you feel? Appreciative? Am I the only one that dreads the inevitable return?

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Comments

Tammy
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If I take only a couple days here and there, I can readily go back to work, thankful for the break. When I take more time than that, I start dreaming of never going back.

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